You heard it here first

Whilst the military junta have been reasonably diligent in their goals of working to restore peace in the south of Thailand and chasing the ousted PM on corruption allegations, there can be little doubt that the army have continued a long standing tradition of taking care of their own.

My point? Well the recent tit for tat diplomatic squabble between Thailand and Singapore - initially caused by Thailand's objections to Singapore welcoming ex - PM Thaksin to a conference on their land - reached a pinnacle this week when the minister for IT began disseminating bizarre warnings that "Telephone conversations are being tapped" and "Private telephone conversations are being relayed to telecommunications companies in Singapore".

This ambiguous and innocuous set of claims seemed to heap paranoia on the already strained relations between the countries and served to increase annoyance and distrust amongst the working class, easily influenced and partisan working class group of Thais.


Less than a week later, the junta have declared their intention to fund a billion bhat satellite project to "increase national security".


What a coincidence , eh?



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This weekend I welcomed two friends over to Bangkok. Neither of them were first timers, in fact they had both been over three times each before. You see, there's something about Thailand that people struggle to let go from. No doubt the female inhabitants have a great temptation, but there is more, The beaches, the food, the shopping . Thailand fever is contagious, beware!

Thai ideas about farangs

In my old blog, I once made a post about a time I negotiated with a motorbike taxi driver. Motorbike taxis are ubiquitous in Bangkok and Thailand in general. The bright shirted drivers are the salt of society, and have no problem risking their neck and yours by driving at breakneck speeds around the cities. Due to their visibility and social standing, motorbike drivers provide a good insight into Thai city culture and ideas.

So, my translated conversation went like this:

"I want to go to the bpaak soi" (literally "soi mouth" it means the end of the street)

"Oh you want the airport?"

" No I want bpaak soi"

"No no! You want to go to the airport" [Looks at the other drivers and grins like a five year old]

So after clarification I got on the bike, as the bike was speeding away the driver yelled back to his friends "He's going to see his Isaan wife"

So at the end of the road I got off the bike and onto a bus. The fare collecter basically Judo threw me into my seat - foreigner beating is a favourite pastime of many bus conducters - a group of teenagers at the back sighted me and began telling "farang" jokes while another girl turned to her friend and said aloud "Why is there a farang on the bus?"

In the short journey between my work and my home, these people had all exposed the Thai ideas and attitudes towards foreigners.

Thais can be very hard to shake from their ideas. They sometimes resist any attempts or evidence to challenge their own beliefs. To start, they don't understand why any farang would get on the bus. After all, they're all rich so they can take a taxi every day, right? Likewise, the vast majority of motorbike and car taxi drivers believe that all farangs want to go to the airport or downtown. They find it hard to understand why they would want to go anywhere else. Ditto, they believe that most foreigners are married to Thai woman from the north east region, known as Isaan. This is the poorest region of Thailand.

And right there at the pillar of the belief system is the golden rule: foreigners can't speak Thai. That's why you can speak freely about a foreigner, even in their presence. Let me illustrate a perfect example in point: Two days ago I walked into a pharmacist to buy milk for my son. The girl that served me was talking to the other staff while she served.


Remember, I was standing right next to them throughout this conversation

"Is this the same farang who came in last time?"

"Yes I think so. He buys milk for his son. Boonyai said he's married already."

[At this point I was tempted to interject to say that Boonyai was was telling a pork pie lie, she had no clue if I was married or not since I didn't know her. I kept silent though, to follow the conversation]

"So he's married already? That's bad luck"

"Yes " "How old do you think he is? He looks very young"

"I don't know. What do you think?"

"I don't know"



I stood amused but bemused, wondering if this was how it felt to be like that kid in the Sixth Sense movie. I collected my change, said "Thank you" in English and left.

Of course, this can all be fun. Foreigners should expect to become acquainted with the Thai ideology of foreigners which for the most part is innocent and peaceful. The only time I've been remotely offended by a conversation I've overheard concerning me was when a woman on the bus complained that my feet stank. Furthermore, it should be pointed out that the streotypical ideas are often right. Most foreigners can't speak Thai , most white folk do want to be taken downtown or to the airport in a cab and the number of westerners married to northern women is high.

The only dark side to this can be the predominately Asian - as opposed to Siamese - idea that Asian woman with western men are prostitutes. I'm not conscious of ever experiencing discrimination against my wife and I for this fallacy but I have known others - usually men with notably younger wives - experience public abuse directed at him and his wife. If this happens to you, you'll do well to swallow your rage and laugh at the morons directing the abuse. Many a would be hero has squared off to a local to find out that same local has ten friends with pool cues ready to show how tough they are. Believe me, it can happen and you'll be no good to your wife or girlfriend if defending her honour lands you in the nearest medical facility.


Still, those cases are scarce and take second place to the good natured or sometimes just plain daft ideas about foreigners.

The old saying that stereotypes are half true is redeemed in this case. So if you plan to stick around in Thailand, be prepared to roll with the punches. The locals enjoy their farang jokes.


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Muay Thai fan?

I mentioned Tony Jaa a while back. The good news for his fans - and Thai movies in general - is that he is making two new movies this year and both are expected to do well in the states. I hope the movies do well. Tony Jaa is a great martial artist and a decent actor who stays close to his Thai roots. The kid deserves his success.

I note some sites billing "Tom Yam Goong" as the sequal to "Ong Bak". It isn't. The sequal is due out this year.



My hit ratio is rising again. Welcome to any newcomers and please feel free to comment and tell me if I'm right or wrong. Don't take the grumbling too seriously, I love Thailand and I love teaching.


I've been looking at other blogs and many are superior but others fall into the "Indiana Jones syndrome" meaning they become so exhilarated by their travels they rave about themselves like heros and forget it's not so exciting for those reading it.

The life of the half Thai (Luk keung)

My son Dylan is fourteen months old in a couple of days. He's at that stage where a new skill is being found everyday. Climbing, building blocks, you name it. One thing that I have noticed is his baby speech. Most Thai babies at this age already showing signs of babbling in the up and down pitch of the Thai language, Dylan however mixes the pitches with the rambling sounds of the English accent.

I know what you're thinking: "Over enthusiastic dad" , I thought so too but several other people have noticed his speech patterns. I'm hoping Dylan has taken the first tentative step towards becoming a bi-lingual luk keung.

Dylan is actually half English, quarter Chinese and quarter Thai, but for all cultural intents and purposes he is a luk keung.

"Luk Keung" literally translated means "child half" , since Thais put the noun before the adjective. That may sound less than equalitarian but it's simply a Thai trait. Thais will say what they see. I'm "farang lek " ("small foreigner") and others will be "ouan" ("fat") and so on. The idea behind such blunt phrases is to put people at ease, not leaving them to wonder what they think of you.

Despite the tag, luk keungs have an enviable position amongst Thai society. With a combination of white skin (considered attractive) , bi - lingual abilities and, usually a reasonably well off family, the half Thais are often a privileged bunch. Such qualities have put many of them into show business, often in TV shows or in the music industry like the half American, half Thai Tata Young.

Not all are so privileged of course. A second school of popular thought says that many other luk keungs are less fortunate. The idea being that many foreign men impregnate woman and then run out. Whilst many people propagate this idea, in my four years here I've only known two sure cases of this happening. Still the fact remains that multitudinous luk keungs are indeed just "typical" kids rather than the social elite.

As world travel and international marriages increase, the number of luk keungs has risen. Alongside the increasing numbers, a taxing problem seems to be arising. Ex-pat forums and discussion sites have a slew of concerned parents expressing alarm at their luk keung child's behaviour. The popular line of distress seems to be that the constant adoration and attention inside and outside school is negatively affecting the young luk keung psyche. Boys in particular seem to be developing signs of arrogance and unruly behaviour from a very tender age. My favourite report was from one parent who stated "People swarm him [my son] all the time. Just last week one guy told him he was the most handsome kid he had ever seen and literally gave him the sunglasses off his face".

Different parents are lining up different solutions to the problem. One colleague of mine plans to take his son to school in Australia for four years since "Aussies don't let the trees grow too tall". Other parents simply enforce stronger discipline at home, others still seem content to let it ride and hope the child will grow out of it.

I must confess I don't have my game plan ready yet. I do believe though that a father's influence can greatly affect a child's attitude to others. And while others may be looking for their white skinned child to be a model or TV star, I have my own rosy eyed dream for Dylan. I'd like him to follow in the footsteps of Mechai Viravaidya.

Mechai was born in 1941, the son of a Scottish mother and Thai father in an era before interracial marriages were so popular. He recalls that at the age of seven he was on a shopping trip with his mum when she went to help an elderly lady cross the street. His mum told him: "If people with education and wealth don't help the poor, who will?". Meechai went to study in Australia where he learned "....to be humble. If you think you're important in Thailand, you're nobody there."

Meechai returned to found the Cabbages and Condoms chain as part of his highly successful project to reduce AIDS and increase education on sexual diseases. He also became a senator and told the press ".......corruption is now airborne like dust. The senate should be impartial but only about twenty five percent are. We're wasting the people's time".

Undoubtedly Meechai has faced discrimination in his work. The Thais are a fiercely partisan bunch and some of the lesser educated parts of society are suggestible to any "He's not even a real Thai!" propaganda from a rival politician.

Yeh I know, it's easy to be romantic about your child when they're still in nappies. But hey, that's my right as a dad and I do believe that with the right moral values, Dylan can eventually become a philanthropist and however difficult and thankless it may seem, take a stand against the greed, patronage, embezzlement and selfish behaviour of some of the people running such a wonderful country.

Either that or play up front for Southampton FC anyway.

The big bad tests

The last two days have been the closest to work I've been since I moved here about four years ago. I've just completed the first set of tests since I started at my new school.

Thailand is big on testing. Really big. Three year olds get tested on English, nine year olds get tested on Geography and "Social".and teenagers get tested in some form almost every week. I'll never forget the day my favourite class turned up forty minutes late for a fifty minute lesson announcing "We had a ping pong test!".

There are many theories on why the system seems so keen to test eight year olds for up to five times a year but no definite answer can be given.

It doesn't seem to aid progress. On the contrary, it's a hindrance since it drains the teachers' time to prepare and teach. It's no marker for a student's development either. If little Praew could speak fluent English a month ago, and little Somchai couldn't say a word, its unlikely their roles have reversed in the last four weeks and if they had, you'd be damn sure their parents or teachers had noticed.

It seems likely the testing is just an outmoded umbrage of the (literally) old school education system. A system that required constant imposition of authority and lack of genuine teaching.

Anyway, back to my story. Testing at my old school was largely left to me, I'd test and log the scores and hand them in. In my new school - a private bilingual affair - things are done differently, as I just fond out. Although my new school is a huge improvement over most government schools, it still conducts business in the Thai way. This means that very little information is given to the teachers in advance. Myself and the other new teachers had no advance warning of tests or test procedures. We simply turned up to work to be told to vigilate the exams. That we did.

As I was leaving the exam room - thinking to myself what a doddle the day had been - I was greeted with a pile of paperwork. Inquiries revealed that this was the first part of the marking process. after several hours I had finished, and presented the work to one my bosses.

" Oh no, you aren't meant to make the student profiles yet, some scores are missing".


OK , back to my desk to fill out forty student profiles for the second time. Back to the boss.

"Oh no, you've done them in the wrong order"

"I wasn't aware there was an order"

"Yes I'll show you what it is"



It did have a positive side effect though. It reminded me how much more pleasant it is to work out here in Thailand. Usually, teaching is a fun job, I'm proud to teach and I love what I do (except for the last two days).

Some of the other new teachers were becoming stressed over the lack of communication. Readers of my old blog will know that I used to be just the same. But things are nowhere near as bad in my new school, indeed itl is very good at working with foreign teachers and I've wised up a little too. The Thais have their own way of doing things, it can seem strange to us but it doesn't hep to get angry and shout about it. For now at least, I'm happy to keep my head down and enjoy being welcome at work.

They better not ask me to wear any fluffy bunny shirts, though.

The ex-pat community

Keeping grip on reality - the expat community

Have you seen the movie: "The Quiet American" featuring Michael Caine? If not, I recommend it. If you have, you'll have some idea of the reality withdrawal expats can face: many a truth is told in fiction.


Thailand's ex-pats are a mixed bunch. I've met some unbelievable characters over here, many behave in a way that would get them killed or arrested back home. I've touched many times on the fact that Thailand invites delusion. With so many pretty girls looking for the right foreign guy to take care of them, the sun, the cheap booze and the beautiful ladies are always going to bring certain types of guys over. It's no coincidence that the vast majority of ex-pats are males. Most of them walking with a female far prettier and more pleasant than they could find in their own country. Nothing is wrong with that of course, but the problem is that many of these males - often the fattest and most obnoxious ones - believe their own illusions and convince themselves they have become super studs by crossing a time zone.

Many a time I've shamefully buried my face in my hands as a fat, middle aged teacher announces his sexual exploits in front of all male and female teachers in the classroom. I often wonder what locals make of such decorum. On occasion, I have known foreign teachers actually get assaulted by local guys for their behaviour.

Like I said, delusion runs rampant. Some characters seem to dislike labelling themselves as a teacher, they always want to be something so much more. In the last two years I've met a bandana wearing American "lawyer" who got sacked from three schools in two months, I've met a Nazi who greets everyone with a "zeig hail" (sacked from a certain school) and ....wait.........a member of the Black Panthers! I kid you not.

For me, I'm happy to be a humble teacher. I have no insecurities.



Still, look around more and you'll find a good bunch around. I'm grateful to Dan, Karl, Brian and my other buddies out in Asia. Even on adventures, you need your friends to keep you sane. Larger schools especially have a large group of happy workers. Thailand is attracting more and more young teachers with a positive outlook and sensible older guys. With increasing demand for English , the teacher community is building a semi respectable base.




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A Mekong jewel

It might not be the biggest or most obvious benefit to living out here but make no mistake: Thai markets - and Asian markets in general are fantastic. All towns and villages have something to offer. Most markets will feature the standards fare such as Thai food, cheap clothes and fresh produce. Most markets will also have something extra, that could be anything from weapons to kid's toys.

Thai markets are a fantastic place to get a true, untouristed clip of local culture. Sit at one of the many makeshift road restaurants and watch. Watch the locals - usually a family unit - working hard to keep their stall. Listen to the buyer and seller haggling over price. watch the delivery guys come and deliver the livestock. These are priceless insights into daily life that you won't get from a guided tour (the floating market is now so touristed it really isn't a true market). Finally, get up and try a little Thai yourself as you haggle for what you want. You'll still pay more than a Thai, but getting a discount will make you feel good :-)

Things you'll miss

I've decided to enter a world wide essay contest. The topic is “bribes” and the first prize is 10,000 dollars. I won't win, of course. The winner will be some academic or journalist somewhere. But in true sporting spirit I'm not so concerned about winning as simply rising to the challenge and writing a respectable essay.

Anyway, in my quest for background research I traveled downtown and checkout the Chulalongkorn University Bookstore, the top (only?) bookstore in Thailand for academic books in English. The choice is far from ideal. Indeed, Thailand itself is short on English language books. Asia Books is a well known bookstore that offers good but limited choice. Amazon.com will not send to Thailand.

Yes, one of the sacrifices of moving here is your choice of reading material will be narrowed.


What else will you miss? Family and friends is a given of course but a few surprises might also be thrown up. Food. Thai food is great, and western choices of high fat meals are ubiquitous. KFC , Pizza Hut and Dairy Queen are abundant. Still, I miss my chili sauce covered kebab on a Friday night and my cornflakes covered in fresh milk (real milk) that are unavailable here. It might not be high on your priority list, but the longer you stay here, the more food will play on your mind.

TV. There is a good range of satellite TV here to give your dose of sport and movies. Still, there’s most likely something you can’t see, and you’ll wonder what you missed.

Your way of doing things. Yep, Thais have different ways of dealing with problems, arguments, confrontations and solving situations. After the forth time your neighbour smiles and promises to stop blasting music through his open window at five am, only to treat you to a dawn awakening of “Hotel California” (or worse) the next day, you’ll be begging for someone to argue with you in the good old fashioned western way.

These topics , I’ll examine in more detail in future. For now though, take heart. Moving here involves sacrifices, but plenty of benefits too. Watch this space.

Starting over

OK , I've finally found the answer. This page is lacking the personal touch. Let me start again:

I'm Greg. About five years ago, I was sitting at work in my hometown of Southampton, England when a female colleague (whom I was secretly in love with) told the boss she was leaving to travel Asia. Although I never got round to telling the girl in question how I felt, though I think she sensed it (and even if she didn't , she'll read it on here so now she knows :-) ) she did inspire me to do the same.

So I sold my home, packed up and travelled Asia. I was warned off a girl by a triad group in Hong Kong , I absailled down cliff sides in Vietnam, I kissed a girl as the sun set on a waterfall in a national park , I had my taxi blocked by an elephant in Thailand and I bribed an immigration officer in Laos.

At the end of it all, Thailand was my first love, so I came back to live.

That was about four years ago. Now, I work as a teacher in Nonthaburi. I am married and I have one son. Like most people I gave one hundred reasons for moving to Thailand, but the real underlying reason was a female. Like most people, I really believed that I was something special by moving here.

Now I've got some experience under my belt, and I want to use it.

I wrote a blog that was getting a fair few hits each day and comments and questions from visitors. In rash moment, I deleted the whole blog.

Now I'm aiming to make this blog as decent as the old one.
Politics does creep in to my writings sometimes. Forgive me for that. From now on I'll try to keep politics on my separate blog.


So this blog is on what Thailand is really like. It's not all raucous nightlife, shocking drug scams or subservient woman. But it does have a whole lot of beauty, a whole lot of quirks and a lot to blog about.

So welcome. If you are interested in Thailand and you wonder what it's really like to live here for longer than the six month novelty period, feel; free to read and ask any questions.


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The bomb aftermath

Fingers continue to point, but the reality is that the authorities are no closer to finding the culprits for the new year bombings. Thai TV stations are showing farangs (foreigners) describing their concerns at the continued number of bomb threats (about twenty a day) and visible police and army units.

The reality is this: what happened to the bomb victims was tragic, and my heart goes out to them. However, the total number of casualties was three. During the Christmas and new year period, more than one thousand people died on the roads. The roads of Thailand are dangerous. The fact that the bombs naturally garnered more media attention makes the threat seem greater. Don't be put off coming to Thailand because of this.